Recent.

Haven't been on here for while.

UPDATE:
I re-enrolled at Columbia Basin College and decided to get my AA and go on from there. I've thought a lot about my career and I need to quit living in these fantasy world where have some crazy job.. I've thought about being a flight attendant. I've heard from other ladies how rewarding it is... great pay, benefits, and a flexible schedual. Most of all, I think this would be a great career for me as I want to travel a lot in life and would be able to travel for free to different destinations.

Also, I have complained a lot previously about my current job. Recently one of two of my good friends at work got fired and then the other quit! BUT I got a 45 cent raise so I have decided to stay and work there while I am going to school.

Basically that is all I have been up to lately.. not that anyone reads this anyway.. hahaha
BYE

I need to vent..

SO! I have been employed at Animal Hospital of Pasco now for a little over a year.. I love my job and I absolutly love the people I work with, they are like family to me. BUT I am treated like a pile of dog shit by a few un-mentionables.. During my interview I was told that I would be a veterinary assistant and would be assisting.. I was lied to on so many different levels.. I am a dog shit sprayer.. We have a "bording" section where dogs are brought to stay while there owners are on vacation.. it is my job to walk feed and clean them. I am known as "bording girl" and was told that my only fuction in that facility is to walk dogs. I had asked multipule times if I could be full time and instead they hired two more full time assistants. I and searched for to do the dirty jobs when the other assistants are RIGHT THERE! Basically I am fed up with the place. I want to quit but at the sametime I don't. I am their most valuable employee. I work from 2-4 everyday except wednesdays and then at 7am saturday to 12pm and then again at 4pm until I am done walking dogs.. Sundays again from 7am until I'm done and again at 4pm until I'm done. I work the shittiest hours doing the shittiest jobs that no one in their right mind would want to do. AND I never even asked to work weekends it was just expected from me. Basically I'm stuck in a rut of not being able to move out of my parents house bacause I don't make enough but I don't wanna quit my job. I'm also sick of not being qualified to do anything! I've been working there for A YEAR! I know how to do everything but all of a sudden "I'm not qualified"...? ugh so sick of it. But what am I to do? I guess I'll just have to live with walking dogs and spraying shit down a drain until I find a new job :(

TATTOO

So I have this HUGE tattoo on my back which I LOVE (picture above) BUT, its for my grandfather that recently passed away.. now this would be fine to most people but my mother has had 3 previous husbands SO, I have my grandpa on my mothers side grandpa on my fathers side and my grandpa on my step dads side (the on the tattoo is for) he is no longer my step father but he raised me from the age of 3 and is still a big part of my life. My "step" grandpa was also VERY important in my life which is why i got the tattoo... but anyways to the point haha.. i have NO room for anything else on my back except my shoulder blades so basically no more memorial tattoos for other grandfathers or other family members.. i can't show the tattoo to other gradfather's because im afraid they will get jealous.. sooooooooo what to do? hahaha idk i just kind of thought about this and now im in a clusterfuck.. but anyways BYE!

oh ps. the tattoo says

"goodbye is not forever

goodbye is not the end

it simply means

I'll love you

until we meet again

RIP Grandpa Carl"

DON'T COPY ME! if i see any tattoos with the same quote I WILL KILL A HOE! :)

haha jk.. but really..>:(

The life I lead.

The life I lead is my own. I know what I am here to do. You can doubt me all you want and tell me I am full of shit. It's your opinion and you are entitled to it, although I would appreciate you keeping it to your damn self. I am going to do what I was brought into exsistance to do, if this bothers you, then seperate yourself from me. I'm going to fulfill my passion, and my life, even if my body dies poor, and painfully, my soul will know freedom.
only 10% of people make it, every time.
I entend on being apart of that percentage.
as for you, do as you damn well please. I'm doing big things with my life.
It will never be a waste.

Future career.

So I plan on becoming a Research Wildlife Biologist (somone who studies wild animals and their habitats) I am currently employed as a Veterinarian Assistant and you dont' tell me let me tell you that shit is boring as hell. I used to want to be a Veterinarian Technician, HELL NO! their job HAS to be the most boring thing I've ever seen in my life!! Cats and Dogs are SO overly boring its insane!! but anyways.. lalala.. do become a Wildlife Biologist I will be taking the following classes:
Physical science
Mathematical science
Earth science
Mammology
Ornithology
Animal ecology
Wildlife management
Principals of population dynamics
Invertebrate zoology
Vertebrate zoology
Comparative anatomy of the vertebrates
Embryology
Animal Pysiology
Entemology
Herpetology
Parasitology
Genetics
Botany
Chemistry
Physics
Mathematics
Statistics
Soils
and
Geology
Yeah a lot of classes right? well I don't necissarily want to move away from home to go to school but there are no school's here that have a Wildlife Biology program. And this pisses me off more than anything. You would think at least there would be an online program but I've searched all over the place.. nothing. I do not want to go to WSU my younger sister goes there which is a plus BUT wsu is the "party" school and I don't have the time or money to bother with parties and loud people. Also, you have to live in a dorm your freshman year with a room mate. My younger sister (Regan) say's that her room mate does nothing but party and come home late. And that would not work with me. so what to do? what to do? Change my major? NO. continue to scour the internet for online programs? uuuuugh.
I don't know.
For now I'm just going to take my pre-requisists at WSU tri-cities (the red highlighted classes) and then hopefully by then SOMEONE will have invented an online Wildlife Biology major program. PLEASE PEOPLE SAVE ME!

live to find something worth living for.

What are you living for? think about this before you answer and i mean really think about it. Don't just say your family and friends or your boyfriend/girlfriend...blah.blah.blah ponder this : what are you really living for everyday? Do you even have something to live for yet?

in finding the answer we all will be placed with distractions and obsticles that sidetrack us to discover the answer, such as making sure to catch the newest episode of the hills or tila tequila (uugh to reality tv), the computer, and damn myspace lol, etc... this isn't why we are here. eh. but beside this, i think it's best to say generally, we all work to survive and live. because we are all born with an innate instinct to remain alive, and will do anything just to avoid changing that. but i mean if you think about it, we are really screwing ourselves over... im gonna get a bit religious so bear with me... lets say at the end of life, you were to gather up all your goals and accomplishments "lalala.." and everything you have aquired throughout you life and place them in front of god for him to see. what have you accomplished? what will you show, or will you arrive empty handed?

I live for having something to be proud of at the end of life, something where i can say: "i left a mark on this world because of that..."

Its weird not knowing what your living for and why your here, It's a pretty dangerous state of mind actually. but for me i know it's to seek the highest from of knowledge and wisdom, become 100% happy, and have a huge impact in the world some way.

"you can't experience being alive without realizing you must die. but its just as impossible to realize you have to die without thinking about how incredible it is to be alive"
... My absolute favorite quote in the whole worls. :D

overall, find something to live for and much more and along the way of this voyage to find the answer, make sure to live life for every moment, every smile, every laugh, and every memory made... simply: make your life worth living.
:)

it makes me sad that most people arent as excited about LIVING as i am to be alivee

I would like to speak to you. . .
yes you.
simply for a few seconds, through this computer screen.

Life is very puzzling, they say. But its only a four piece puzzle: peace love happiness and food. (yes, food) and the best thing is, it doesn't matter how you do the puzzle or even if you get to complete it. you should just ENJOY it. because its so beautiful pry your eyes open and see that.

I'm at a peticular spot at the moment, where i feel so pure. I'm completely prone to happiness because i allow it to enter me. its like an open, fresh wound. infested with smiles, laughs, unexpected suprises, and butterflies. this is a beautiful feeling, and a spectacular onfestation i don't mind at all. hmm. sometimes i don't know what to do, who i am, where im going, or why i exist. but it doesnt matter one bit, and this completely blows my mind to other dimensions and back again to enjoy LIFE AND LIVING. in this moment right now, i swear i'm infinate. and do you want to know the most beatiful part of that....... YOU ARE TOO! i hope you know and are well aware that you are ALIVE everysingle human being on this world is alive, it wont do you any good though unless you FEEL it. you mind is alice, your soul is infinate, and you are the universe. realize this with me and will experience complete bliss.
i love everybody that i know, and those i have yet to meet. i cry tears of joy at the thought of how lucky i am to press my toes against the soil of this beautiful planet i live on, and look into the sky as each day passes, so quickly so beautiful so graceful. yes indeed, i am very much in love with life. i am happy, and optimistic, happier that a bird with a french fry. and i want every singular soul on this earth to feel the same way. and i hope you smile many more times than you frown today.

let me take you far away. to the root of your happiness thats always been ever so unreacheable in your eyes. happiness, thats where i live. and i'd like to make that your permanent residence too.
so i'm here to live
with all of you!
come on. lets go, its time to enjoy living.
i'll show you how.

today i want you to look up at the blue sky, and feel just as big, if not even bigger.

/sends into world.

don't speak! because you mind is beautiful

The most precious gift, I have ever been given besides the gift of life is MY MIND!! I love and cherish it wil all my heard, for it is mine to keep for eternity and beyond! It's my ultimate masterpiece sculpted out of perfection, my personal story-teller and entertainment, whatever i think of will instantly appear, and i have front row seats.

Inside, a spectacular carnival infested with my happy thoughts awaits me, and theme is craziness all around, where the jugglers juggle jugglers, the midgets are super tall giants, and the elephants are bestfriend's with the mice. There is never a dull moment in my mind! its all absurd, and there is no such thing as being different, wrong and right, up and down, and weirdness is never looked down upon but crowned king of this magical kingdom, because all is accepted and never judged as long as you're simply being REAL. in my mind inside and out of thsis world, all around, all flaws are stitched together with acceptance and pure beauty. I'm in love, and its a neverending love as it is the stong raft allowing me to go with the flow in this beautiful river of life.

Aalthough beautiful indeed, this world is NOT real, it is not eternal like you and me, all things physical do not exist, so screw it all, and even you body is not real, merley served like a car, the transpotations of your soul. but when it is time to get out of that "car" and ARRIVEat the destination you were meant to be, you will realize that your mind, that which is you soul is the only thing here, the only thing which is here now, it is the only thing that will accompany you on this groozy journey of life, so right now simply enjoy the prequel and love the mind you were given! because the real tripp is yet to begin.

you are the only key to loving your life, the choice and power to do so and truly become happy is embedded withing all of us. Its not a difficult equation because you=happiness, fuck the rest, Its not about FINDING it but REALIZING this , and truly then will you be pure and find bliss in all that is life, this is my secret, and its as simple as that.

LIVE BY IT

and i fell in love with the world.

we are living. breathing. walking. oxymorons.

okay, okay. so you see that tiny puny speck up there it's not a smudge. its not a dust particle. its SMALLER than the sparkle in your eye. yes it is our very own home. our world. this earth. that microscopic looking dot isn't even you, your sould. no its all of it combined! everything and everyone that exists physically in your world right now, this instant, is that tiny dot, on a massive ray of sunlight, surrounded by pure infinity. this "giant world" or so you thought doesnt even compare to something 100092402848374+3 times bigger.

now don't you feel pretty shitty and small?

well don't! because now ubove, a comparison; of this universe compared to our brian cell. the very lovely mind you have been graced with is pretty much RELATED to the universe. and JUST AS BIG as it. IT IS. IT IS the infinate abyss that surrounds this planet earth, that tiny smudge and dot on the last image.

you encompass the infinate universe in your mind. perfect and never ending mystery.

gah mann. don't you see. you are not small at all.

for every soul. including YOU

carries a iniverse inside them! and if that the case then you are and very well could be someone else's god in their eyes, living in that universe/brain cell of yours RIGHT NOW.

you are someone of something else's giant ray of sunlight!! as they too reside in not a smudge, not a dust particle, but a beautiful world such as your very own. because if a tiny dot on that last image represents an entire world filled with souls full of life. then imagine what wonders you will find in a single blad of grass, or what journey that tiny ant you svoided stepping on today goes through every single day of its lovely life. don't take these tiny (or so they seem) wonders of life for granted. ever.

today is that day

to start to realize that this is the beautigul perfect oxymoron cycle of life.

its all around us. all the time!

and if you realize this.

you can be the center of it.

every single one of you.

these thoughts make my mind happy. and make me want to cry tears of joy and tell everone you are freeeeeee.

live on.

Know my secret to life:

Three words: IT DOESNT MATTER! How lovely it is to know it's that simple! I'm not careless I'm just carefree. I care too much to care at all. Nothing matters once you realize everything is perfect, every step you take is absolutely correct, and every mistake made is totally perfect in every way. Because it is all meant to be. stop trying to analyze everything. Embrace the chaos and madness and ACCEPT IT in all of its beauty. throw this reasoning out the window of your mind and question nothing. Doing so is just going to get you nowhere at all. Like a clueless dog chasing its own tail. It's unattainable bcause it's aready there. The beatles know: just let it be. because it is what it is, and everything is what it's suppose to be. stop chasing perfection by questioning in search of empty answers. perfection is right in front of your eyes.

you want inner peace? realize its already inside of you.
you want harmony? know that it is all already harmonious like the plantes in perfect motion.
you want to feel alive? well become on with it all and learn by example of the universe for it is a living physical comparison to soul. infinite and perfect.
you want answers? then let the silence tell them to you.

in the midst of all this imperfection we are perfet things. Don't disrupt the perfection. This equation to life is so simple in the wat that if you try to figure out how it all works or try to prove it wrong, it will become the most complicated thing in the world and beyond. Don'e take the magic out of it. And just accpet it. Just let it be. You are only here on this planet to learn how to BE. Be alive. And LIVE.

The answers are all around us don't you see? Within all the calmness of perfection you must hear. For the power to listen is you strongest tool. Everything around you is fulled with the answers you search for. Because everything has a purpose. Listen to my friend, the baby tree for it knows this, and is probably wiser that you. The only tools you will ever need to realize this and enjoy of eternal are embedded inside of you...For it is you! and it is what it is

EVERYTHING IS UNDERRATED. So forget everything you were taught, and all that you think you know. Remove it all from your mind because it doesn't matter. Perception is all wrong. For it is like the dirt that disrupts the clarity in the clear water. just leave it alone and let it be. The answers are a contradictiong oxymoron. But you can't get any more balanced than that.

So throw every problem you have at me and every question that arises all have only one answer.... it doesn't matter!! I care too much about my life to care at all. Everything passes. Everything changes.

I'm here and I know it. You are too! your eyes just havent't seen it yet. but the door to here and now, the heart of perfection is already inside of you. you now know the secret to happiness and permanent contentment in whatever. I know opened the door to answer inside your soul, and placed a welcome matt before it inviting you in. whether you want to step inside is totally up to you. But I know. And I promise you one day, you will too. You will know and fell exactly what I'm talking about. I have complete faith in everything so please do so too!

Knowing this I feel as if i found out the purpose as to why I exist. I'm spreading the word. I'm here to tell you to be strong. You're beautiful and perfect in every single way. Don't try to change anything, and see it too, and accept it, You're on the right path to discovering what you seek for in life, if you please adopt my way of thinking. And it is my duty to share what I know with you and pry your third eye open, And even if it meant sacraficing my life and giving you this ultimate knowledge inside of my mind. I would exchange it all in a heart beat just so you all can know too. because never before, have I ever believed in anything mroe in my life as I do so right now.

We're all gold inside.
This world is gold too.
The only difference is you, that is gold and perfection will stay that way for the rest of eternity if you choose to keep the fire inside of you going forever.

so please, please, please.
just
stay
gold

"when you realize how perfect everything is you will just tilt your head back and laugh at the sky."
not careing about what people think is the best change I've ever made in my life.

Choices

Choose.
Pick a life out of a hat.
Pick the hat with the most colors.
If you are colorblind, I am very sorry for you.
Pick a husband with the fastest car.
Pick a wife that everyone at the office will be jealous of.
Drink your coffee black and super sweet.
Have a date with the sky, and adopt a fluffy cloud.
Sleep in late, and dissapoint everyone.
Because
life
will
go
on.
Flirt with danger when you have the chance.
And do one thing everyday that scares you.
Just say, 'Hi. How are you', as life, the rest will work itself out.
(I promise)
Confide in your heart, trust this life you live.
Jump into your mind from the highest diving board.
Think. Think. Think. But never analyze.
Simply be.
These are your choices.
This is your life.
We live a mad rad life!
DIG IT.

Be here, and choose now.